the pep talk

Do you ever feel like God just does a "heart check" every once in a while - that makes you squirm and struggle to really, really decide where your allegiance lies? Are you willing to give up your family and your friends for Him?... Are you willing to give up your home and all that is familiar - for Him? C.T. Studd said it well, that if Jesus Christ be GOD, and died for me - there is no sacrifice too great for me to give for Him.

My answer was yes. and then...
...several weeks ago I couldn't imagine leaving La Ceiba - I had already decided that I would give up my family and my friends from home "for the Lord"... and I found myself now unwilling to give up Honduras and the relationships I've built here in Ceiba. I don't believe that the Lord asks us to be unattached to things around us, as relationships are central to life, but I do think that He wants to be first in our life, and He wants our whole heart. I have the unfortunate tendency to attach onto things that I am "doing for God", and somehow I let that thing come before God in my life.
I feel as though the Lord has to continually give me a heart check - to keep me in line - as I like to rely on myself and plan out how I will be safe and have a secure future. Trusting in the Lord is often scary, as His timing is perfect to reveal his plan, instead of being as early as I would like it to be... and so I often get ahead of the Lord, making my own plans.. and the Lord gently directs my steps, often down a different road than the one I was planning on. He is so faithful to keep His promises - and has proven trustworthy - even when I'm unsure of this new "plan" I have to adjust to. (I mean, if it were up to me and my plans, I would have been in physical therapy school right now - but look at all the amazing things I would have missed out on!)

There is new meaning to the proverb, "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding..." because it takes the Lord holding our whole heart, us looking to Him and acknowledging him in EVERYTHING - for Him to make our paths straight.

As the Lord has been teaching me about truly trusting my heart and my life to Him, God has been opening doors and providing opportunities for me to join Him in His work. I realize that it is then my responsibility to be able to see where God is working, and then to take the step to join Him there.
This is another area where I often get caught up... as this is the time when all of my inadequacies come to my attention to convince me why I can not possibly join in this work. Being the astute scholar, from the great US of A, it is hard for me to accept that being "ordinary, unschooled person" with a heart to serve the Lord is more powerful and effective than any amount of training I may get - because it is the Lord that is at work, not me.

And it is here, my friends, that I find myself once again... and the Lord, being ever faithful, reminds me once again that He is who He says He is, He does what He says He does - and I can trust in Him.

"Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God, who also made us sufficient as ministers of the new covenant..." 2 Corinthians 3:5-6

"All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for teaching, rebuking, correcting and instructing in righeousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work." 2 Timothy 3:16-17

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

I guess what it comes down to is: do I believe that the Word of God is true?
you bet I do. and what a rock for foundation in every decision I have to make...

Today the Lord spoke to my heart - giving me a "pep talk" to remember who God is and that what He says is true.
My dear friend, Natalia, recently wrote this to me, "I was thinking this afternoon during that time how we are living for One - for God. And how that should make our decisions (theoretically?) so much easier and simpler. We need not consider anything/anyone else when making decisions but just live to please Him. I know life doesn't seem that easy - but that's just what I heard from God - don't worry about everything/everyone else... just Me."
It is a good reminder, as I am facing important decisions to stay in Honduras and be employed as a mentor and witness to the youth culture, or to return to the states to get more training (in nursing?)...

well, I assure you that I am seeking the Lord.. and His timing is perfect.
...doesn't that just drive you nuts! ;)