home sweet home?

I had a fabulous time in Virigina......spending Christmas with family,

...and being able to see and spend time with good friends.
Now that I'm back in Honduras, I my heart pulled toward my loved ones in the US.

I have often heard the phrase, "home is where your heart is"... and now as I am back "home" in Ceiba - I realize even more that my home is not in one specific place - but with people that I have ties to. Is it possible for my dad's house in Virginia, and being with family and friends there, to feel like home - and then to come back to Ceiba with the other missionaries and my Honduran friends, and also feel like I'm home?

As God is continually teaching me that I have "family" all over the world in the body of Christ, I am also learning that my home is in Christ, and the best place I can be is in the center of His will. All over the world there are places and ways to serve the Lord - and to live and enjoy life... and while I have ties to specific places in the USA, and now in Honduras, my strongest tie is to the Lord, Jesus Christ.
I LOVE La Ceiba, and just a few weeks ago, I couldn't imagine ever leaving here - but the Lord is teaching me that I am an "extranjero" here - that this world is not my home - and my purpose for wherever I am at is to bring Heaven to Earth.
While I will always have a special place in my heart for Honduras - I have resolved in my heart that, if the Lord decides to call me to another place (like Africa.. China.. or even back to the USA), I will go.
It is so easy for me to get caught up in doing good things - and find myself so busy that I neglect my relationship with Christ... I don't take the time to be still, to listen, and to really lay my heart before the Lord. I didn't realize before that by seeing the need here and having such a passion for ministry here (which isn't a bad thing at all!) - that I was ready to make my own plans to stay and continuing "working for the Lord" - without trusting Him for each day. The time I spend here in Ceiba is not about me - or about the work that I can do... yet I have been focusing on MY life here in Ceiba more than on the throne of God. As I live with the realization that this world is not my home - and that I am an ambassador for the Lord - I know my eyes need to remain upon the Lord.
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth... but in heaven... for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" ( Matt. 6:19-21). My treasures are my relationships - which is also where my heart lies. And the MOST important and satisfying relationship we can ever have is with Jesus Christ - who will never let us down. Seek Him - for He is faithful to keep His promises to us! And when you find Him, you will know that you are truly HOME.

SURPRISE!

Yes, folks. For a limited time only, Stephanie is in the USA!

The Lord has blessed me abundantly this holiday season - and I am so thankful that I am able to be home for Christmas!

I'm sure you're wondering.. why did she come home from Honduras?! Well, when I entered Honduras I received a 90 day visa.. which expired on the 22 of December. At the end of the 90 days I am left with the option of buying another month to say in the country or traveling outside the country for at least 72 hours. I happened to find a very reasonably priced plane ticket (I think they were trying to get rid of the last ones..) and here I am! En Los Estados Unidos! I still can't believe it myself!

It has already been quite an experience.. not only adjusting to how different life is, and how COLD it is... but also surprising my family by walking into the house at 2:30am this morning(with then help of Jarrod - who picked me up from the airport, and Caleb - my "state-side" accomplice). How good it is to see everyone! I had a full day of traveling.. and have now been awake for over 24 hours to make this possible.. so I am definitely ready to crash!

Some things that are different for me now that I'm back in the States:
* its okay to drink from the faucet * I don't need to dip my clean dishes in bleach water * its okay to throw toilet paper in the toilet without worrying.. * I can drink a tall glass of milk that isn't straight from the cow! * I don't need to use a taxi to get around * what I have to use a seat belt in the car? * I pay for things in dollars instead of Lempiras * I can leave food out for a few minutes and not worry about ants * and of course.... English is the preferred language (this whole day I have been talking in Spanish to people who don't expect it.. but I can't help it, it is just what comes out first!)

Well... I wish you all a very merry Christmas. Remember that we have much to be thankful for this holiday season, especially that the Lord sent His Son to the earth to live perfectly and die to cover all our transgressions. Praise the Lord that He has defeated death and sits at the right hand of the throne of the Most High!
...so maybe it will be a white Christmas after all.

Roatan!

I returned today from Roatan, the largest of Honduras' three bay islands. I spent the past week there working in a free clinic, La Clinica Esperanza, for the "pobrecitos" of the island. I stayed with Miss Peggy Stranges, the nurse who started the clinic out of her kitchen 5 years ago, and it has grown so much that they are now in the process of building a hospital. Peggy is an independent missionary to Roatan - and completely trusts in the Lord to provide the money and the workers for the hospital as she remains faithful to her calling to provide quality healthcare to the islanders. In the new hospital they will have a birthing center and a small pediatric in-patient ward. They are constantly in need of volunteer healthcare workers to come alongside the Honduran doctors and nurses - to teach them how to better treat their wide range of patients (from pediatrics to geriatrics - to minor surgeries in the clinic.. to those with psychological needs... they treat EVERYTHING!)

We saw anywhere from 25-40 patients per day - with problems ranging from the common cold.. to hypertension and diabetes.. to scabies and lice.. to all sorts of wounds and infections. We generally saw the patients on a first come first serve basis (unless there was an emergency). The patients would line up early in the morning, and sometimes wait 4 or 5 hours to be seen. We charge 20 Lempiras (the equivalent of 1 dollar) for the visit and any medicines supplies they walk away with. I helped check in and triage the patients, clean and dress wounds, assist the doctor and nurse in various surgical procedures, and translate for the volunteer doc, nurse, or pharmacist that didn't speak Spanish. It was an incredible opportunity to serve the people who live in Roatan! I felt so important - and helpful - as the patients would look at me with big eyes, desperate for the doctor to understand what was wrong so they could be treated... hopeful that I could understand them and translate the problem to the doctor or nurse...

Roatan is an interesting place to visit - full of tourist places because of the constant presence of cruise ships and vacationers.. and places like West End and West Bay are gorgeous vacation spots.. but not too far away - there are areas like La Colonia Belfate or El Swampo (two of many on the island) that experience extreme poverty. While I was there, we found out that they haven't had any water in La Colonia for over a month! It was a hard realization for me, that as we were telling someone that they need to keep their wound - or whatever - clean.. using soap and water - that for most of them, it is a choice between rice and soap. When they come to the clinic, they put on their best clothes, which isn't saying much for the majority of people who came. I have never been in such a position in my life - the patients gave me such respect for skills that I don't have.. but the little I do know about healthcare is so much more than any of them.
This whole experience opened my eyes for how healthcare might look in a third-world country. The public hospital on the island doesn't even have running water in it. I am overwhelmed by how many needs there are.. and how the needs provide numerous opportunities to help, to educate, and to love people who are less fortunate that myself.

When I wasn't in the clinic working, I spent my time sitting in a hammock overlooking the water on Miss Peggy's porch reading (I completed 3 novels!)... snorkeling (yes, it was an AMAZING reef.. and it really does look like it in Finding Nemo when the reef drops off!)... playing with dolphins (you can be jealous)... and enjoying being out of the routine and busyness of the city life in Ceiba. I am coming away from this trip very refreshed and encouraged! I am so thankful I've had this experience as it is one that I will carry with me for the rest of my life!


...and who can forget a view like that! ;)

It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas!

What an experience to live in a different culture and see their traditions for the holidays! I love all the similaries that we have - but I have to say that I am dying for cold weather! It just doesn't feel right to see Christmas lights, music, fake trees (because it is illegal to cut down and sell a pine tree in Honduras, as it is the National tree of Honduras).. to experiece Christmas programs and cantatas... but to be in 80 degree weather, wearing tanktops and running the air conditioning!

oh well - I don't know that I will be doing much more that dreaming of a WHITE Christmas.. but at least I have the movie here with me to remind me of home. :) I know that this Christmas season is full of new experieces - and opportunities to share the reason we celebrate with so many!

This picture was taken in church yesterday, just after the cantata. Tamy, me, Hannah, Erin, and Cesia are posing in front of our church's beautiful Christmas tree. They are all dressed alike because they are in the choir. ;)

Today we had a fabulous Christmas program at Brassavola! The kids were so excited to perform their songs and poems in English (to parents who speak Spanish, ha!). It was a crazy night - but overall successfull and definitely full of memories!

Understanding

Growing up, I often read a quote by St. Augustine that my mom had hanging on the wall. It said "Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore seek not to understand, that you may believe... but believe, that you may understand."
So many times it is hard to understand why things happen... and it is funny how when it is a good thing - we never question, "why did this happen to me?" We just open our arms and accept whatever good gift we have been given. But when something happens that we don't like, or didn't want to happen... it is so hard to just open our arms and accept it without questioning "why did this happen!"
One of the families on the MTW team in La Ceiba, the Guzmans, has to leave the field a year earlier than they had origionally planned. I am very sad they will be leaving just after Christmas, especially because Melissa has become one of my most trusted confidants here. Their family is a vital part of our team, and it is hard to imagine being here without them. Times like this make us question "why" - and search for answers to give our hearts some sort of solace.

I can think of all sorts of sayings - such as "hindsight is 20/20" - that speak about how we can see the good or the purpose for something AFTER it happens. However, I am reminded of St. Augustine's wise words - that while I don't know why something is happening.. I have to TRUST in the One who does know - and trust that He will reveal His greater purpose in His timing. Yes, it is always easier to see and accept things after they have happened - it is so easy to look back in our lives and make sense of the direction we have taken.. but we don't live in the past. We live now. So take a hold of St. Augustine's words... set your sights on Jesus - believe in Him just as a child so believes. In your belief, you will find so much more than answers, you will also experiece a peace that transcends all understanding.

on a lighter note... Here is a picture of Erin and I from our team worship today... yes, my "joyful noise" making is ever present here in Honduars as we lead our team in praise songs (and I sing for the kids at school!) :0

the joys of teaching...

Erin asked me today, "Did you think you would be coming to Honduras to be a teacher?" ...and my answer was a resounding "no!" There are many reasons why I didn't want to be a teacher... first, I procrastinate WAY too much and don't like to make a lesson plan until 10pm the night before class. Secondly, I am an introvert at heart (ok, so not really an introvert.. maybe a perfectionist is a better word.. and when I don't feel adequate for some task, I don't like to do it) and so I get nervous about teaching, and sometimes even think - "could I call in sick today?" Thirdly, school has ALWAYS come very easily to me.. so I've had more than one person tell me to never be a teacher. ha. perhaps I can't relate to the struggles the kids are having?

In all honesty, I DO have the same struggles that my students have - as I am trying to learn an understand a foreign language. I understand that it is hard to comprehend something while reading it outloud because they are focusing so much on making the correct sounds that do not exist in their own language. I understand the embarrassment for not wanting to speak and say the wrong word, the wrong verb tense, or the wrong pronunciation. I understand how good encouragement and a word of praise feels. .. and I love the kids.
I feel completely inadequate to teach these kids - and I have SO much to learn about how to teach English (how to form the sounds with their mouths, how to read, how to write) to the kids I am tutoring - but the Lord has been so faithful to give me the grace I need to face each day. Because of Him I am able to get up every morning and go to school, walk into the classroom full of confidence and say "Good Morning!" - and then expect the proper response of "Good morning, Miss Stephanie" in return.

I am always thinking of ways to make the class more interactive (yet maintain control), how to determine if they are comprehending what I am teaching them, and how to reinforce the lesson as it applies to their lives. The older students test me in areas of discipline, the younger students struggle to understand English, and the other teachers are always watching me to see how I handle their class. I am so blessed to teach the kids during the "orientation hour" - we have already talked about how God created the world, how He loves us and wants us to love Him and talk to Him, how when we disobey God - we sin - and this separates us from God because God is perfect... and how God sent Jesus to the earth to take away our sin so that we can be together with God. This week we talked about Christmas - and that God sent Jesus to the earth as a baby... I have so much freedom being the "Orientation teacher" - that teaches Bible - because I don't have a curriculum that we are following.. we just talk about whatever I have planned. I don't have anyone standing over me, asking for my lesson plans (Praise the Lord) - but the administration has confidence in me that the classes will always include interactive and multi-sensory learning, and that they will be taught a solid message of who God is and why it matters to us. I don't know if their confidence in me is misplaced - as I have no official training to teach these kids. My classes have been very successful thus far, but that is only as a result of a lot of prayer beforehand - and the Lord's hand guiding me to prepare and deliver each lesson. I can't imagine teaching alone.
This little girl, Alma, is in 4th grade and somehow made it this far without being able to read. We work together in English and in Spanish to improve her understanding of words and her abilities to make the sounds that are so different from sounds in Spanish. Although I walk away from our times together wondering if it helped her at all - each time we are together, she opens up more and more.

Overall - I still can't believe I am a "teacher".. this is NOT what I had planned on doing when I came here - but I love it. I love the kids - I love being able to hug them, tell them about Jesus, and make them feel special. I love being able to meet and hang out with the older girls in the high school... and being able to talk to the teachers and show them I care about their lives outside of teaching. This environment is not where I expected, nor wanted to be in - I thought, "in Honduras I will work with people who don't have homes and can't stay healthy because of the bacteria in the water;" however, this is the door the Lord has opened for me -and its an incredible opportunity to help educate the future leaders of this country.
Being flexible is one of the major things I have learned - and continue to learn - and while I can plan my life, the Lord directs my steps. I just have to be ready to allow Him to lead my steps down roads that were never in my plans... knowing that as I delight myself in the Lord, He will give me the desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4).

Rio Cangrejal

Here are a couple fun pictures from our morning at the rio Cangrejal. Erin and I went to the river with two other missionary families, the Guzmans and the Noonans. We had a good time swimming and being out in the sun!
I closed my eyes and heard the sound of rushing water.. and was automatically reminded of the Shenandoah River.. but this river is flowing down from the mountains and has an incredibly strong current. I was awe struck by the beauty of the river, the HUGE rocks, and the jungle all around us.
God's creation declares the glory of the Lord...

what's important?

I am so blessed to have come from the United States, from an educated and prosperous family. Living here in Honduras, I have been struck over and over again by what is necessity vs what is comfort - as there are SO many differences between the US and here. I see that no matter where we are in life - we will always want more. The other day, I was sitting on my bed talking to Erin and I said, "I wish we had a DVD player." And then it struck me... children right outside my door didn't eat ANYTHING that day, they don't have a house, they don't have a bed, they don't have a couch, they don't have a TV, they don't have movies.. WOW. There is SOO much that we take for granted. so much.
Sometimes I have to remind myself that I am living in a third-world country - and that the majority of people have very little here. The average income for a family in Honduras is $850.00 a year, with over fifty-four percent of the people living below Honduras' own poverty line. Twenty two percent of the population does not have adequate sources of clean water and twenty-nine percent do not have access to health care. The teachers who are very well off make $9,000 a year. While things are much less expensive here, the whole standard of living is SO different. I write these facts as a reminder to myself of WHERE I am living.. where the Lord has called me to be.
When I am not working at Brassavola, I spend my time in relationships and "earning the right to be heard" with the Hondurans here. As I have been building trust, the Hondurans have been more and more honest with me about how they view North American missionaries. I am not sure that I want to write what all that I have learned or heard.. however, I must say that living somewhere with the title "Missionary" brings so many preconceived ideas with it. People think of someone who will give handouts - who will help out poor people materially. The Hondurans will take whatever we will give them... but when it comes to matters of the heart and the soul - they don't trust the missionaries. The natives here watch the "extranjeros" - or foreigners - in everything that we do - and they see the missionaries living in the best parts of town with the rich people, going out to eat frequently at American restaurant, and then saying that we are "poor" (which is true for US standards, BUT not at all for the people here).
I have struggled with the question "what is a missionary" since I've been here. Time and time again I've come back to the idea that a missionary shares LIFE with people - living among them, getting to know their needs, their hearts, their souls. How can we expect to impact people if we are not willing to live as they do? How can we expect them to let us into their lives unless we live life side-by-side with them? God doesn't tell us that in following Him that we are guaranteed all of the comforts we experience in the United States. Why aren't we living in the little town we want to impact? Am I impacting the people I am living around? Jesus said, "if anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his live for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?" (Luke 9:23-25).
In considering my life here - and considering all the stuff that I have in the United States, just sitting there... for what? Jesus said, "do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Matthew 6:33)
My "stuff" in the US is almost like a safety net for me (that I will have STUFF and money to go back to when I return) - but Jesus reassures me not to worry about my life or what I will eat or drink - about my body or what I will wear.. but to SEEK FIRST the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things (that I worry about like my future job, husband, place to live) will be given unto me as well (Matthew 6:25-33).
God wants us to TRUST Him completely - without a safety net - and it is only when we are holding on to God instead of our family, our house, our cars, our money, or our comfort that we really allow God to have the FREEDOM to use us. God doesn't guarantee us a comfortable life - nor does He necessarily ask us to give up all we have - Paul wrote that He learned to be content in plenty or in want - SO where is our heart, is it in Christ or in comfort? How much are we holding on to all that we have? If Jesus asked you to take all that you have and give it to the poor, and then go and follow Him - would you do it?
The last thing I want to do is make anyone feel bad about what they have or what they want - but this is what the Lord has been laying on my heart this week to share. I am being challenged to consider truly where my treasure is... and also to consider how to be a good steward of ALL that the Lord has blessed my life with. I am faced daily with people whose only possession is the smelly shorts and shirt they are wearing, children who go to school to learn but do not have teachers who know how to teach... and so much more. I am so grateful for all that I have, all the opportunities that I have been given and that I can choose from... so what to choose...

todo eres Tu, Jesus.

"Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life" (1 Tim 6:17-19)